An Extract From The Book: Mr Clops & Mr Balls – Silverstone By Kelvin Rush.Book Details The sun was beating down as the temperature hit ninety degrees. Mr Balls had two really large distinctive sweat bombs under both his armpits and stunk of B.O. ‘It’s very hot Mr Clops, I’m sweating like a good’un, and I stink like a pig. Can I borrow some of your deodorant please?’ Mr Clops took out a can of Lynx Excite deodorant from his bag, handing it to Mr Balls. Mr Balls removed his Hawaiian shirt and used it to wipe away all the sweat from his body. A cool refreshing breeze crashed against his bare skin. He lifted up both his arms, and let the wind dry his sweaty smelly armpits. He then sprayed a large amount of deodorant all over his body, paying particular attention to his fat belly, his fat … [Read More...] about TOO FAT TO DRIVE

An Extract From The Book: Mr Clops & Mr Balls - Silverstone By Kelvin Rush.Book DetailsThe alarm clock went off at precisely 7.00am. Mr Clops leapt out of bed, like a kid on Christmas morning. He’d been planning this day for several weeks, and now it had finally arrived, he couldn’t contain his excitement. He strode over to the window and drew back the curtains. It was a bright and sunny day. He opened the side window, pushing it outwards as far as it would go. He then stuck his head outside and took in a big gulp of air, filling up his lungs, before bursting into song: ‘Oh what a beautiful morningOh what a beautiful dayI’ve got a wonderful feelingLa, la, la, la, la, la, day.’ He noticed his next door neighbour coming out of the garden gate. ‘Alright Mr Benrose!?’ he shouted. ‘Are you … [Read More...] about THE BIG DAY HAS FINALLY ARRIVED

An Extract From The Book: Fish – Operation Electric Man By Kelvin Rush. Book Details The next day I went to see Benny, who lived a few doors down from our house. He ans­wered the door in his pyjamas, and didn’t look well. ‘Are ya coming out Benny?’ I asked. ‘I can’t Fish, I’m made up with cold. Mum said I’ve got to go back to bed. Do ya want the paper round job?’ ‘Yeah I do Benny, what do I need to do?’ ‘I’ve told Mr Kirk I’ll be leaving at the end of the week. I said you might be interested. Go and see him, tell him you can start next week. He’ll show you the ropes.’ ‘Ok Benny, I’ll go and see him now. Thanks very much pal, hope ya get better soon.’ ‘Yeah, cheers Fish, see ya.’ Poor old Benny looked awful, and he loved his paper round job, and obviously didn’t want to give it up. Oh well, … [Read More...] about BENNY’S PAPER ROUND

An Extract From The Book: Mr Clops & Mr Balls – Silverstone By Kelvin Rush.Book Details The taxi pulled up outside the house at nine on the dot, and sounded the horn twice. Mr Clops opened the front door and gave the thumbs up to the driver. ‘Two minutes pal!’ he shouted, before pushing the door closed. He picked up his house keys and black leather man-bag from the small oak table in the hallway, and stood at the foot of the stairs. ‘The taxi’s here Mr Balls.’ The toilet flushed and seconds later Mr Balls appeared, wearing white baggy trousers, brown loafer shoes, a multicoloured Hawaiian shirt, a panama hat and black sunglasses. He strutted downstairs like Tom Selleck from Magnum P.I. Mr Clops was a little shocked. ‘We’re going to Silverstone Mr Balls, not a beach party for the … [Read More...] about FIRST CLASS ALL THE WAY

An Extract From The Book: Mr Clops & Mr Balls – Silverstone By Kelvin Rush.Book Details Although Mr Clops was extremely disap­pointed that Mr Balls wouldn’t be driving a car, it certainly didn’t dampen his own enthusiasm. He forgot all about Mr Balls, as he arrived at the garage, and was given a white disposable balaclava and a black crash helmet. The anticipation increased tenfold as he caught sight of the racing cars on the grid. They were a bit smaller than he’d imagined, with a choice of colours: red and white, green and white, or blue and white. The nine cars were in rows of two, with a single car right at the back. The strong smell of petrol fumes only added to the excitement. The impatient drivers were all stood around, waiting for the stewards to allocate the cars, when … [Read More...] about WINNIE & THE MILK FLOAT MAN

An Extract From The Book: Fish – Operation Electric Man By Kelvin Rush. Book Details After spending at least four hours in the park, it was now getting really cold and I was hungry. I’d been sat on the bench for some of the time, going through endless scenarios in my head, most of which made me feel sick to my stomach. I knew I was in for a rough time, especially from dad, and there was no escape. I’d also walked around the park and through the woods a few times, and on one occasion I’d bumped into Freddy Green, who lived at the end of our street. He couldn’t wait to tell me the news. ‘Your Billy’s looking for ya Fish, tha’s bin nicking money from the electric meter, asn’t tha?’ ‘How do ya know that Freddy?’ ‘Billy told mi, how much did tha nick?’ ‘Don’t ask Freddy, too much if ya must … [Read More...] about TIME TO FACE THE MUSIC

An Extract From The Book: Fish – Operation Electric Man By Kelvin Rush. Book Details By the time the electric man came to empty the money box, there was only a few quid in there. I knew for certain I would be in big trouble, which is why I legged it to the park, before dad got hold of me. Over a six week period, I’d stolen well over twenty quid, and would now have to suffer the consequences. I’d spent most of the money on cigarettes, sweets, and playing golf at the local course. I usually played a round with Goody. I didn’t have any golf clubs of my own, so I borrowed his half set, and he used his dad’s Ping clubs. Goody was the one who encouraged me to break into the electric meter in the first place. He was always telling me how easy it was. Because he’d broken into his own meter at … [Read More...] about PSYCHO SID

An Extract From The Book: Fish – Operation Electric Man By Kelvin Rush. Book Details Goody had let me practice many times on his electric meter, until I was confident enough to go it alone. I’d been carefully planning things for the past few weeks, and now it was time to put the plan into action. It had to be carried out in the early morning, when everyone was in bed asleep. I decided the best time would be 3.00am on a Saturday. If everything went according to plan, it would take no more than twenty minutes from start to finish. It was 11.45pm on Friday night. ‘Operation Electric Man,’ had finally arrived. I was lying in bed waiting for our Billy and Robert to drop off to sleep. The three of us share a bedroom, so there’s not much privacy. I know when they’re asleep because they both … [Read More...] about THE OPERATION BEGINS

An Extract From The Book: Fish – Operation Electric Man By Kelvin Rush. Book Details Some of the shoes in the cupboard must be at least fifteen years old. There’s also my very first pair of football boots, with all the rubber studs worn down to nothing. There are endless pairs of slippers, countless wellies, and even an odd looking pair of ski boots belonging to our Debra, which is slightly confusing as she’s never been skiing. I’ve no idea where she got them from. At the side of the electric meter is the main fuse box and the red power switch. When the switch is pushed down to the off position, all the power to our house is cut off. I’m familiar with this switch, as I’ve used it somewhat sneakily in the past to my advan­tage. I would wait patiently until the kitchen was empty. Then I … [Read More...] about TIME HAS RUN OUT

An Extract From The Book: Fish - Operation Electric Man By Kelvin Rush.Book Details I was sat about halfway up the stairs feel­ing physically sick. I was also sweating like a pig. ‘Guilt Sweat’ is what Gran would call it. I was about to be hung, drawn and quartered. That’s slightly over the top, but I think you get the picture. It was the moment I’d been dreading for weeks. I’d not slept properly for ages, waking up several times during the night. I’d just be laid there worried sick, my mind racing in all directions. I knew this mo­ment would eventually arrive, and here it was, staring me right smack in the face. But that certainly didn’t lessen the blow. It seemed like only yesterday when I was saying to myself: ‘Don’t worry, there’s plenty of time to get it sorted, something will turn … [Read More...] about OUR SHARON’S 18TH

An Extract From The Book: Jimmy Spence 8th Of June 1974 By Kelvin Rush. Book Details Jimmy walked reluctantly and very nervously down the street, with both hands firmly in his front trouser pockets. The excitement he felt when he woke up that morning had deserted him, and was now replaced with self-doubt and apprehension. He got to the end of the street and turned left onto Redclose Crescent, which led directly to Barkers Park. Under normal circumstances, it would have taken him no more than five minutes to reach the park from his house. However, these weren’t normal circumstances. As he got to the park entrance he was still feeling very anxious and nervous. He was also twenty minutes early, so he decided to take a detour. He bypassed the park and carried on walking to the end of the … [Read More...] about OUR VERY FIRST KISS

An Extract From The Book: Jimmy Spence 8th Of June 1974 By Kelvin Rush. Book Details Mrs Cartwright was still rubbing Jimmy’s hands. ‘Don’t try to get up love,’ she said. ‘You may have concussion. The ambulance will be here soon. They’ll take you to hospital and get you checked out.’ Jimmy looked alarmed, as he nervously squeezed Mrs Cartwright’s hand. ‘I’m ok Mrs Cartwright, I don’t need to go to hospital, honest,’ he pleaded. ‘You’re going to hospital Jimmy, and that’s final!’ said Mr Brown firmly. ‘We need to get you checked out, to make sure your brain’s not been damaged.’ ‘What brain would that be sir!?’ shouted Birdie. Mr Brown gave Birdie one of his menacing lingering stares. It was a stare that would have terrified the devil, and Birdie had been on the receiving end of it many … [Read More...] about THE NOTORIOUS RUDOLF RAMSBOTTOM

An Extract From The Book: Jimmy Spence 8th Of June 1974 By Kelvin Rush. Book Details Jimmy spent all day Friday preparing for the big day. He went completely through his wardrobe, trying on different outfits and many combinations of clothes. He tried on jumpers, sweatshirts, shirts, t-shirts, jeans, trousers, tracksuit bottoms, coats, jackets, trainers, shoes, and even a pair of sandals, which he only usually wore on his holidays. In the end, he settled for his black pleated trousers, his best denim shirt, and his brown loafer shoes. He also spent ages on his hair, testing out different styles. He went for a left parting, a right parting, a parting straight down the middle. Then a parting just left of center, then just right of center. He spiked his hair with normal gel, extra hold gel, … [Read More...] about A YOUNG TONY CURTIS

An Extract From The Book: Jimmy Spence 8th Of June 1974 By Kelvin Rush. Book Details Jimmy was off school for the rest of the week. He spent most of the time sleeping, watching telly, and looking through his large collection of football programmes, (especially the Liverpool ones). His mind was also constantly occupied by Julie Richardson. He was well and truly besotted by this girl, and no matter what he did, he couldn’t stop thinking about her. It was like he’d been taken over by some unknown force that he couldn’t control. His emotions were up and down like a fiddler’s elbow, and he didn’t understand why. In reality, puberty had well and truly set in and there was absolutely nothing Jimmy could do about it. He was laid on his bed early afternoon with his eyes closed thinking about Julie. … [Read More...] about SCOTTY TO THE RESCUE

An Extract From The Book: Jimmy Spence 8th Of June 1974 By Kelvin Rush. Book Details On the way home Carol told Brian the full story, with Jimmy occasionally adding his bits. After dropping Mrs Cartwright off, Brian pulled up outside The Blue Whale chippy. Jimmy was surprised, as they usually only had fish and chips on a weekend. ‘How come we’ve stopped here dad? We never have fish and chips during the week.’ Brian looked in the rear-view mirror at Jimmy who was sat on the back seat, holding the ice pack on his forehead. His little face was still hot and flushed and his eyes looked really sore from all the crying. Brian felt desperately sorry for him, and would have done anything to ease his pain. He thought fish and chips might help. ‘A mate at work told me that fish and chips always … [Read More...] about WELL AND TRULY BATTERED

An Extract From The Book: Jimmy Spence 8th Of June 1974 By Kelvin Rush. Book Details The ambulance drove out of the school car park and headed down the main road to the hospital a few miles away. Jimmy had finally stopped crying and was feeling a little better, thanks to the support of Mrs Cartwright and Trev the paramedic. Twenty minutes later the ambulance pulled up outside A&E. Jimmy’s mother Carol was already waiting in the reception area. After she’d spoken with Mr Brown on the phone, she’d been driven to the hospital at high speed by her next door neighbour Mr Barkley. He was lucky not to get a speeding ticket, as he raced through the streets in his clapped-out Rover P5 Saloon. You could hear him coming from a mile away, as the loud deafening noise bellowed from his loose exhaust … [Read More...] about ESTEE LAUDER

An Extract From The Book: Jimmy Spence 8th Of June 1974 By Kelvin Rush. Book Details ‘Once the ambulance gets here Jimmy, I’ll ring your parents and tell them what’s happened,’ said Mrs Cartwright. ‘What did happen Mrs Cartwright?’ asked Jimmy, who still felt a little groggy and con­fused. Before Mrs Cartwright could answer, a voice called out from the crowd. ‘It was me Jimmy….. I’m really sorry….. honest I am. I was taking a shot on goal and I mishit the ball. It sliced off my hockey stick and right into your head. Didn’t you see it coming?’ Jimmy looked up, glancing around the crowd, trying to put a face to the voice. His eyes fixated on a pretty girl stood next to Tommy Platt. It was Julie Richardson. With the sunlight striking her long golden brown hair, it was as if she had a halo … [Read More...] about LOVESICK EGGHEAD

An Extract From The Book: Jimmy Spence 8th Of June 1974 By Kelvin Rush. Book Details Saturday the 8th of June 1974 would be etched in the memory of Jimmy Spence for the rest of his life. As midnight approached, he was sat up in bed wide awake and couldn’t get to sleep. His mind was racing uncontrollably in umpteen directions, and his emotions were a tangled maze of bewilderment and confu­sion. Once again, he was experiencing really strange, unexplained feelings inside his body. Rushes of warm, tingly, pleasurable feelings suddenly appeared from nowhere. Jimmy Spence was on the roller-coaster ride called ‘Puberty’ and he couldn’t get off. One girl in particular made his whole body shake with excitement, sending his mind and imagination into overdrive. Her name was Julie Richardson, and … [Read More...] about BIRDIE’S FATE WAS FINALLY SEALED